What is depression like? I guess I’m asking because I want to know the symptoms for my sake and also for my loved ones and friends. I do not want anyone feeling so confused about their feelings. We need to know the symptoms of depression, talk about it and help people come out of it.
I spent the whole of last week talking to people and hearing their stories about depression, on one of the days I wept because I couldn’t have imagined how much people go through but then they cover it up with their smile.
I get really emotional sometimes and I don’t want to hear or see hurtful things but that day I listened to a new friend as she narrated her entire life experiences, from child abuse to her love story to denial, to fraud and the pain kept flowing from her mouth through her words.
Depressive disorder popularly called depression is a mental disorder, it isn’t just a phase of your life where you have some troubles, it is not just sickness or lack, it is beyond just saying oh I’m depressed, it isn’t just a feeling of sadness or sorrow, it is not just grieve.
Depression is a combination of a whole lot, from feeling frustrated, worthless, unfulfilled, useless, lonely, incapable, different, angry, less, the list goes on. It sometimes comes with certain symptoms, though can be different for different people, it starts with lack of appetite, poor sleeping habits, cutting off from family and friends, aggressiveness, hatred, negligence of hobbies,loneliness, worthlessness, suicidal tendency etc
Depression is like a vehicle, it drives you to suicide, it’s like a dream to some people because you fall into it unconsciously, depression is like a voice it sounds pleasant and it is very attractive like the voice of a lover rendering a romantic poem, do not be lured by that voice, choose life.
To some others depression is a wave that you can’t control, it comes in the form of a maniac attack sometimes, you just become insane and wild, you scare people away and hurt yourself. Depression can come in the form of silence, you shut your door from everyone and everything and you gaze at your wall, so lost in thoughts.
Have you ever experienced grief? The kind that you want to tear yourself apart, the kind that you just want to hurt yourself just to end it and feel better and when being told to stop, you respond with these words “don’t tell me how to grieve you do not know what I feel inside of me”.
This is absolutely not bad my dear, people should learn to allow others to express their pain, and not make them look weak for feeling vulnerable. Imagine losing someone dear and some other person says to you, “hey, it’s okay you are not the only one who has lost someone close”. People handle issues differently and we all can’t be so mature during bad times, so at all times we should try to be kind and this is not to say that you shouldn’t get help. You have to come out of that which weighs you.
Depression is too big a thing to be understood , it is deep. Depression moves from the body, down to the mind and soul. It is not so easy, so you can’t just walk up to a depressed person and say stop, you need to put in lots of work, medically, emotionally , morally and even spiritually to assist one who has fallen into depression.
This feeling of not meeting up to expectations, watching others excel, your mates are buying cars, building houses, financially stable and you are just there and your life isn’t taking any shape so you just want to give up and you start devising means of killing yourself, like walking on the road lost in thoughts and praying that a moving vehicle knocks life out of you. Depression is a voice that keeps echoing pushing you to the road, it calls you until you answer.
To another friend, depression is a voice, it gives you peace when it speaks, it’s suiting to your soul, at the moment that’s what you want, you push yourself into eating things that are unhealthy or you are allergic to, drinking sniper, picking weapons. She moved on to say that it’s a door way to suicide and it is a suicide messenger. The feeling is uncontrollable, you just want to end it.
People are going through a lot and we can’t deny this fact, but committing suicide and staying depressed is a choice. I have heard stories from friends and even strangers about how they survived depression, some said suicide is a choice, others said it’s a voice and to some other it’s unintentional and it’s like a dream.
I do not know what you are going through but please find a way to come out of that mood that saps away happiness and life from you, death shouldn’t be an option. Meet a therapist, learn new skills, meet people, travel, dance, visit the gym, explore life generally. Just live! Be positive!