You really want to understand why you are afraid of marriage or staying committed? We sat down, smiling and enjoying the conversation, it was a hangout with few friends, a habit we have formed overtime to distract us from the uncertainties surrounding us, we scout for really beautiful locations monthly, mostly places that draws us closer to nature. we just want to take a break from everything that bothers us. However, coming for that hangout and sitting to have a conversation that reminds of our fears didn’t stop us from bothering as the sole purpose was to relax, meet friends interact but there we were talking about “Gamophobia” the fear of staying committed or being married.
It was a really interesting and engaging topic, I realised that almost everyone is afraid of this union called marriage. it got really intense and I could feel the fears in the voices of those who spoke up. I am scared of getting married she said because people change, they stop loving, people are afraid of staying committed. And again someone said, I do not want to get married to someone who would change just into the relationship. I love love, I want to give my all, but I am scared of being abandoned, and I guess this is the reason it took most people a long while to actually try a relationship, they are not principled as they made everyone think they are afraid of loving so deeply only to be abandoned. These are real facts of life.
I watched a pretty lady fantasise about marriage, to her marriage is beautiful, she has witnessed great marriages and she would be excited to get married to her ideal man, yes there are challenges in marriages, hiccups that are sometimes tiring, but love and marriage is beautiful if you are ready to stay committed, just as life is not rosy so it is with love, relationships and marriages, and this is were you sacrifice. you must also bear in mind that no one is perfect and coming together in love is to help one another become the best version of yourselves. its her thought about marriage and I am happy someone is not afraid of staying committed to another, a thing I pray for everyday of my life.
We expect so much from our partners and we tend to forget that we are actually supposed to be that which we want others to be for us, I listened to the young man who talked about his expectations from whoever becomes his wife and they were a lot, and one of it was ” I am a very boring person, I do not like talking most times but I expect my wife to be the talking type so the marriage doesn’t get boring” wow! Well, I couldn’t help but ask, will you be the talking type for your wife when she just only wants to stay quite like you? its tiring when you are the only making effort, its tiring to be that person who always enjoys talking, sometimes it feels as though you are been too much, sometimes you just want the other person to take your place, these are things that comes with marriages and relationships, will you be selfless to be that person for your partner? or she shouldn’t have any expectation coming from you.
You see, humans can be very self centred without even realising, we work in and out of relationships like its that easy, we hurt people without feeling a thing, only to defend our actions with statements like “such is life, things happen, its normal, you will be fine, I am tired, I am done, please heal, you would find someone” and it goes on and on, we say a lot of things because we think of ourselves as encyclopaedia of everything pertaining to life.
While talking about what we want from our partners, why we should always express our feelings and how we should help each other be better, a question came and it got us so confused. What if the person you love loves another? well, I couldn’t answer because I do not know what to say but it is true that we find ourselves in this challenging situation you are in love with someone else but the person doesn’t love you as much. I think you should just let this person be, its hard but its the best decision to make to save your future, you would find someone who loves and appreciates you, who won’t stay a day without communicating with you, who would do anything to stay by you, who is proud of you and is always willing to defend you, someone who would do anything to make you happy, you will find that person. Do not force love, friendship, relationship, marriage, people, and etc cause it would cause you paiN, FORCING THINGS a mistake some of us make.
The beauty of marriage is you getting to understand your partner, why he or she acts the way they do, know when something is going wrong and when you start noticing a different attitude instead of abandoning that person, you communicate to understand what has happened, to know what really changed.
A friend said to me, you know people marry for different reasons. People are scared to get married because they don’t have a reason to get married, some others marry for companionship and they find someone, people marry for money, and when the money is no more, they walk away. Some others marry for sex, when sex gets boring, they go get it elsewhere or they walk out of the marriage. However, those who marry for love are taking the bold step because love is pain he said. So when you choose love to marry you should be ready to bear the pain that comes with it, but also pray not to love the wrong person.
In most cases those who marry for love do not get to walk away from their marriages because they know what loving entails and have decided to embrace it. Now lets talk about the Nollywood actors Mrs. Joke Silva and her her Husband Mr. Olu Jacobs these two are united in matrimony and love, and they have experienced everything that comes with marriage, I looked at how Mrs. Joke looks at her husband, touch him, kiss, smile and hug him even with the fact that he is having dementia and do not even recognise or understand her actions sometimes, she has been by his side all the while and this is what for better for worse and in sickness and in health entails, not all of you walking in and out of love like its that simple, like you never felt anything, before you leave your marriage or walk away from your partner make sure its a good enough reason to walk away, not walking away after an altercation. The bottom line is for you to know what you want, define it and go for it, fight for that which you want until it is clear that you can’t win that battle.
Love is painful because love brings growth. Love demands, transforms and is painful because love gives you a new birth. Love brings your heart into relationship and when the heart is in relationship there is always pain. When you avoid the pain, you will miss all the pleasures of life and this is the reason most people love but hate to commit.
Love, friendship, relationships, marriages are simple when you understand what they entail, they are not just about the pleasures of the now, what happens when the going gets tough? how do you handle your crisis? do you handle your trials with love or you just give up as though you never saw them coming.
Grow! Grow! Grow! I do not what the world would become if everyone walks out on love, on friendship, our marriages, relationships and family over the little things, we would continue to live in a world with more broken people who despise themselves. When you are ready to love and marry stay true and committed to it, you do not want to hear the challenges of your ideal marriages, they have their issues but they dealt with it. Love is never enough, there is commitment, trust, understanding, communication, companionship, friendship, help, God, it’s not just about the sex.