Sex is mutual: End shaming women


I had this conversation with a friend about how society has made women feel less for losing their virginity or having sex. I am not trying to go against religious beliefs surrounding the idea of sex or compelling people to have sex. If you want to do this, do this because you want to and not act like the guy did you a Favour or you are doing him a Favour.

Alright, I don’t feel comfortable when ladies cry over certain things in relationships, things that they shouldn’t see as problems, I get irritated and I sometimes pray I don’t react the same way because they make those things seem normal even though they are not for me.

The discussion with my friend was about the assertion most women give after a breakup, you hear things like; “oh I loved him so much but he broke my heart after using me”, “so it was just for fun”, “I trusted him but he dumped me”, life is so unfair guys are scum” and etc.

These comments from girls have given most guys the freedom to be silly, and some are actually tweaking towards those narratives which is not supposed to be the case. Society should be blamed for this. They taught women the importance of virginity and didn’t do the same for men, they taught women about their sexuality and said nothing about men.  

We hear things like, “you are a woman you shouldn’t give yourself freely to a man, wait till you are married before you have intercourse, having sexual intercourse before marriage is an abomination, they make women feel so bad about their sexuality, they say, men respect virgins, they placed a white linen on virginity and never stopped talking about the purity of the female self, they went as far as harming women in the name of removing the female genitalia, this is really crazy, the reason most guys after having sex with a woman, calls her loose like the feeling wasn’t mutual. 

Sex is mutual, end shaming women

Women must learn to do things because they want to and damn things because they also want to, women shouldn’t cry so much after a breakup over a thing like, having sex with a guy. If you are crying over having intercourse make sure the guy also does same. 

You could complain about the waste of time and whatever you must have put into the relationship outside sex but not kill yourself because you had sex with a guy. Girl, you didn’t have that with a stone, you didn’t rape this guy, you both wanted this so carry yourself like a queen too for doing him a Favour of sharing your royalty, since the society has placed his majesty up high. 

We make these guys feel like they own our bodies. Girls should be able to say things like “ oh, well… we had sex? So what? We both wanted this, I’m done with this relationship so get yourself out of my life”. You shouldn’t remain in a toxic relationship because, you are worried about the fact that he is the first man who had sex with you” you are thinking about what your friends would say, what society is going to tag you”. 

If you would feel this way, make sure the guy feels the same, it shouldn’t be one sided.  Little wonder, those thwarts in the Bible chose to stone the woman for having sex but didn’t drag the man for that same act because he is a man, thanks to Jesus who taught them about how two people must come together to do that and my friend who saw this as a problem to raise this discuss. There are some sensible men still, society is the damn problem with the myopic narratives it harbors.

I am female, so what? Why do you have a problem with my femaleness, why place barricades to stop me from freely exploring my life. Why this notion of abnormality when it comes to my femaleness? Why do I have to explain my actions? Why do I have to think about society first before acting? 

Why should I be threatened for making that big decision? Why is the idea of virginity not applicable to men? why do I have to be seen as a slot for having sex? As a lady, I am said to be cheap for giving out my body like I had sex with an object. 

It was mutual. Yes we had sex, we enjoyed the moment together. Why do women feel as though they did a guy a Favour? why play the victim of sex? This nonsense must stop. Society should stop shaming women. Women should be allowed to do whatever they want with their sexuality and not be disrespected. 

Marriage is not a must, A girl mustn’t be married to have pleasure, what if she doesn’t want to get married? Why force her to get married? The reason most ladies fall into depression because they had sex is that they feel they can’t do without the guy because “he has seen her finish “ as it is said in my local parlance. 

My religion is against fornication and adultery, my religion is not against women but society is against women and this is my problem. So why should I be tagged bad, or said to have a bad character because I am not married. 

Female sexuality is under constant scrutiny. Society needs to change its perception about women and stop reducing them into objects that can’t decide for themselves or speak.  No one should claim the sexuality of women and try to control them, they should be allowed to express their sexuality as they want to.

Damn… I can’t believe a friend gave me that weird look for mentioning the word virginity and the other couldn’t utter the word sex like it’s an abomination. We must correct this by teaching men and women.


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